Greatest-Play-In-Baseball-1976-_Monday.wvx
Click here: Orangutan and the Hound
It is absolutely amazing, how much
> wisdom there is in the ad-lib comments by training personnel
> or found at the end of each chapter in most military
> training
> manuals…………….
>
>
>
>
> ‘If the enemy is in range, so are you.’ – Infantry
> Journal-
>
>
>
> ‘It is
> generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you
> just bombed.’ -
> US.
> Air Force Manual -
>
>
>
> ‘Whoever said the
> pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered
> automatic weapons.’
> – General
> MacArthur -
>
>
>
> ‘You, you,
> and you … Panic. The rest of you, come with
> me.’
> -
> U.S.
> Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.-
>
>
>
>
> ‘Tracers work
> both ways.’
> -
> U.S.
> Army Ordnance Manual-
>
>
>
>
> ‘Five second fuses
> only last three seconds.’ -Infantry Journal
> -
>
>
>
> The three most
> useless things in aviation are:
> Fuel
> in the bowser; Runway behind you; and Air above
> you.
> -Basic
> Flight Training Manual-
>
>
>
> ‘Any
> ship can be a minesweeper.
> Once.’
> – Maritime Ops Manual -
>
>
>
> ‘Never tell
> the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to
> do.’
> -
> Unknown
> Marine Recruit-
>
>
>
> ‘If you see a bomb
> technician running, try to keep up with
> him.’
> -USAF Ammo
> Troop-
>
>
>
> ‘Yea, Though I Fly
> Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No
> Evil.
> For
> I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.’
> -
> Sign over SR71 Wing Ops-
>
>
>
> ‘You’ve
> never been lost until you’ve been lost at Mach
> 3.’
> -Paul F.
> Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)-
>
>
>
> ‘The only
> time you have too much fuel is when you’re on
> fire.’
> -Unknown
> Author-
>
>
>
> ‘If the
> wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a
> helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.’
> -
> Fixed
> Wing Pilot-
>
>
>
>
> ‘When one
> engine fails on a twin-engine airplane,
> you
> always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the
> crash.’
> -Multi-Engine
> Training Manual-
>
>
>
> ‘Without
> ammunition, the USAF
> is
> just an expensive flying club.’ -Unknown Author-
>
>
>
>
> ‘If you hear
> me yell; “Eject, Eject, Eject!” the last two will be
> echoes’ If you stop to ask “Why?” you’ll be
> talking to yourself, because now, you’re the
> pilot.’
> -Pre-flight
> Briefing from a 104 Pilot-
>
>
>
> ‘What is the
> similarity between air traffic controllers and
> pilots?
> If a
> pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but
> If
> ATC screws up, …. The pilot dies.’
> -Sign
> over Control Tower Door-
>
>
>
> ‘Never trade
> luck for skill.’
> -Author
> Unknown-
>
>
>
> The three most common
> expressions (or famous last words)
> in
> military aviation are:
> ‘Did
> you feel that?’
> ‘What’s
> that noise?’
> and
> ‘Oh
> S…!’ or (appended
> from the Arkansas Air National Guard):”Hold my beer and
> watch this!” -Authors
> Unknown-
>
>
>
> ‘Airspeed,
> altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully
> complete the flight.’
> -Basic Flight Training Manual-
>
>
>
>
> ‘Mankind has a
> perfect record in aviation – we have never left one up
> there!’
> – Unknown Author
> -
>
>
>
> ‘Flying the
> airplane is more important than radioing your
> plight
> to
> a person on the ground incapable of
> understanding
> or
> doing anything about it.’ -
> Emergency
> Checklist-
>
>
>
>
> ‘The Piper
> Cub is the safest airplane in the world;
> it
> can just barely kill you.’ -
> Attributed
> to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) -
>
>
>
>
> ‘There is
> no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in
> peacetime.’
> -Sign
> over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB, AZ-
>
>
>
>
> ‘If
> something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s
> about to.’
> – Sign over
> Carrier Group Operations Desk-
>
>
>
>
> ‘You
> know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes
> full power to taxi to the
> terminal.’
> -
> Lead-in Fighter Training Manual
> -
>
>
>
>
>
> As
> the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft,
> having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the
> crash truck arrives.
> The
> rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, ‘What
> happened?’
> The
> pilot’s reply: ‘I don’t know, I just got here
> myself!’
United Flight Attendant announced, ‘People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!
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On landing, the stewardess said, ‘Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have. ‘
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‘There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane’
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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a ‘Thanks for flying our airline.’ He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, ‘Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?’
‘Why, no, Ma’am,’ said the pilot. ‘What is it?’
The little old lady said, ‘Did we land, or were we shot down?’
***************************************
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: ‘Whoa, big fella, WHOA!’
*******************************************
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, ‘Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that.’
*************************************
Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: ’We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.’
*************************************
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo .. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!’
***********************************
‘Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.’
***********************************
‘As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses……..except for that gentleman over there..’
******************************************
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City . The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, ‘That was quite a bump, and I know what y’all are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendant’s fault, it was the asphalt.’
****************************************
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on with, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.’
****************************************
Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: ‘We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of US Airways..’
****************************************
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight – ‘Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light ‘em, you can smoke ‘em.’
****************************************
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax…. OH, MY GOD!’ Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!’
A passenger in Coach yelled, ‘That’s nothing. You should see the back of mine!’
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Subject: Dog For Sale
Free to good home. Excellent guard dog. Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more drug pushers, thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat. Most of them knew Jethro only by his Oriental street name, Ho Lee Schitt.
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#1 by Reta Holleman on November 26, 2010 - 7:34 pm
Quote
Love your site man keep up the good work